Guilt

Sometime in 2000

I feel completely surrounded by my wrong doings. My past is filled with things better left unsaid. But those things don't even compare to the things that I have done since becoming a Christian. I can get over the things from the past, because I can claim ignorance "I wasn't a Christian then." Once you become a Christian you have these set of rules to live by, you now know the truth, which makes doing wrong that much harder.

Oh, the pain that I feel when I do wrong against God. I cry harder than I do with anything else. I cry with everything that I am. From the pit of my stomach I scream to God to forgive me. Other times I don't even bring my faults to Him because I'm so ashamed, (as if He didn't already know them!)

The guilt creeps up behind me, and when I'm the weakest, it whispers in my ear, "you know the truth, yet you still do it. You are a horrible person, why should God forgive you?" I start thinking about the verse in Romans 7:15

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

I know exactly what Paul is talking about. Why do I do those things, all I want is to be good with God. This is where Satan loves to see us, he is at both extremes--either he can help you feel guilty and condemn yourself, or he can help justify your actions with the worlds example.

You can either be like Judas or Peter in dealing with your guilt. Judas hung himself, Peter built the Church! Press on or be Consumed!