Seeds

" If your not satisfied with what you have today, then think about what type of seed you planted. What you have today is what you planted yesterday." (Sometime in 2002)
I wonder how my life got to where it is. It is not where i thought I would be. Does that mean it is terrible? No, definitely not. But do I wish I would have done some very big things differently? Absolutely. So what type of "Seeds" did I plant that created my current circumstance? I have some ideas, but when i think of them I feel regret, and that I don't believe is healthy. It might just be the "grass is greener" theory, but the feelings are beyond the cognitive rationale. The dissonance is in that I regret but am happy. So do I hope that my kids do not follow in my footsteps, even if it leads them to happiness?.....Yes. "For if I gain the world, but lose my soul, then it is worth nothing." (Matthew 16:26)

I want you to test boundaries and determine your identity with choices, but I want also for you to still be proud of yourself afterward, and not allow your "experimenting" to cripple your self-worth later. How can I enforce boundaries while allowing freedom to fail? How can I warn you about choices without cutting off communication? And how can I allow you to fail in front of me and not fix it for you? Ugh.....Here's the deal, I want you to get bruised and cut by this world. God knows it's not because I'm a sadist, but instead a realist and most importantly because I love you. I want you to have depth to your feelings that only trials can create. And I want you to be able to provide comfort to others who will also experience the same feelings that you have. And most of all I want you to have HOPE, sometimes that can be gained after experiencing lack of it. And that is the scariest thing of all, for I lived in darkness once, and it is a place I never wish for my beloved to go, but I must come to terms with the idea that it might be necessary. My prayer then is that you do not stay there long...