I have been thinking about starting this new blog for a while. I had some apprehensions, but after discovering a blog of a former peer at college and his struggle with faith I knew that I must write out my feelings and have others be a part of it.
The following blog is the reality of my life. It is my thoughts, fears, joy and search for my relationship with God. The true reality, is that no one has it all together. They have struggles, pain, and questions. I used to believe that everyone else had it figured out, and they allowed people to believe it. This only caused further pain and false beliefs. I believe it is crucial to ask questions, and not be fearful of what we will find, even if it contradicts our foundation. It is therapeutic to write out our feelings, and even comforting to read that others struggle in the same way.
I have a very blessed life. That is not to say that I don't have struggles. But I think it took me a while to recognize the blessings I do have, and find contentment even admist the struggles of life. I don't think I would call my relationship with God as "fallen away;" because He never strayed from my heart. But I would say that we are distant, like old friends who haven't talked for a while. I am starting to work on this relationship, and truly pursue Him again. I feel like I'm starting fresh, and I am taking a genuine look at what it takes to be apart of the presence of God.
I don't desire to have what I had in the past. That was real then, and the relationship was with who I was then. I am a different person, shaped by experiences, I want to have a relationship with God in the present, with who I am today. I know more about myself now than I have ever before, but the opposite is true about God. I have lost the sense of who He is, I desire to change that. So I will post about my journey of discovery. We have to be real with each other, and in our search for genuine companionship with God. Because the facade is temporary and when faced with a storm we realize how unstable those beliefs really are. Without others telling us how normal that is, we are lost and left alone, only to blame that on God and not the image other christians protray.
So here is my journey....
